12 steps to successfully deliver difficult messages

Tell the truth! 12 steps to successfully deliver difficult messages and and achieve behavior change.

Do you know the situation? You have to tell your employee a negative message. He didn’t perform in the last months and now you struggle with bad contracts. If he doesn’t change, you have to finish his contract by the end of the year. You feel insecure, don’t want to hurt your employee, you are afraid of tears or emotional outbursts —- because bottom line you like him and you know that he ist in trouble with family issues.

What do you do: you use fluff words and you are so grateful for any distraction in the conversation: vacation, weather, family. Result? None.

Your employee continues as before. Your message didn’t reach him. He won’t change.

Solution: Communicate difficult messages in a very simple way.
I learned this method in a communication seminar for medical professionals. As a doctor sometimes you have to tell bad news. How do you talk about a cancer diagnosis? This messages are called: identity-changing messages. Because the news will change your life fundamentally.

The question in the seminar: How do I communicate to a patient that he has a serious illness?

Traditional with many technical terms. Result: The patient understands little or nothing.

He heards what he wants to hear, maybe something like “I’m not really well, but it’s not that bad, I’ll be fine.”

Not so bad, you think? At least no tears.. no emotional outbreak… No, quite the opposite:
The patient does not get the chance to act because he does not understand the seriousness of the situation.
He may postpone urgently needed measures, not take medication, not change his lifestyle. Is this what the doctor wants? No! After all, he wants to help. He is dependent on the patient’s support and compliance.

In working life it’s about the same. You want that your employee changes behaviou but he only will change, when he understands that there ist no other option, that the situation is very serious. So lets talk about the method. But keep in mind: these kind of talks are exhausting but i promise in many cases you will see that your employees really will change.
The 12 steps:
1️⃣ Give a friendly welcome to your employee.
2️⃣ Give a brief introduction to the topic. Avoid distracting prefaces, polite banter or small talk.
3️⃣ First clear and unambiguous message: e.g. “I will terminate the employment contract with you by the end of the year. I am very dissatisfied with your performance.
4️⃣ Short pause. Give the employee the possibility to understand the message.
5️⃣ RRepeat the message.
6️⃣ Stay calm if there are any emotional reactions. Give him a bit of time.
7️⃣ Show compassion, but definitely don’t show pity.
8️⃣ Ask him if he understood the key message. If you have the impression that he didn’t understand. Repeat.
9️⃣ Show options for action: Tell him what he needs to do to change. Fix tasks with a date until he hat to complete the task. As concrete as possible. Complete the following task by …
1️⃣ 0️⃣ Define exactly the next steps. What until what date?
1️⃣ 2️⃣ End the call. Don’t allow any discussions. Again, avoid strictly banter or small talk.

Conclusion: Say directly what it’s the problem an what will happen if he doesn’t change his behaviour.